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finally.
finally common test's over.

i knew that i screwed everything up, and that it has seriously affected and dampened my mood.....
but .....
but i'm still holding onto that last glimmer of hope that i can at least score a B3 for every subject.

i know its contradicting to keep reducing the no. of As u have set as your target...
but thats what i seem to find myself doing right now.

and its making me really sadd..
i find myself to be so...
so.....


why cant everything just go well for me?

why?.....

its not that i dont wish to believe that i can do it, its just that i seem to find my confidence decreasing every now and then.

that kind of pressure, is just too hard for me to take it.
but if i try to relax a little, i'll find myself worrying about everything again.



and i've said that i wanna be strong; not like some idiot who tears easily.
a girl at my age should be even more matured in her way of thinking, not just remain stagnant.
i dont wish to be the odd one out.

past experiences has made me scared and it did really leave a permanent scar behind.
as though a curse, it can never be lifted from me.
the only thing that i can do is to just try my best to be part of it.


but am i trying too hard?
too hard to the extend that i'm gradually losing my real self?
i dont wanna wake up everyday and feel puzzled when i look into the mirror,searching beneath for the real me.

and i dont even wish to deceive myself that i'm still me.
when i'm not.


many a times i have said before that smiling is my way of hiding all my frustrations and everything.
its my way of hiding.

i know that i'm escaping but...
now that everything has changed, i dont know who i can talk to.

its like, all(most of ) my closest friends have left me.
like they have all progressed onto their next stage,and have also found their right places.
whereas im all alone, standing there watching the happy expressions on everyone's faces.


forget it.
i just cnt go on anymore.
i'll probably start tearing up again.
its just,
just too hard and painful for me to bear...

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many a times i really do feel like giving up.

giving up not because i dont have the motivation to strive and do well, but instead, its because of the failure which i am afraid to face.



maybe no one can understand how i feel..
maybe i am destined to be a loner..
maybe..
maybe...
maybe i should really keep it all to myself and bottle everything up.....



but, i dont feel good..

in fact, sometimes i really do feel that i cant breathe with all the stress and everything.


and its not that my tears are all dried up..
its because, u haven't seen me crying as i'm typing this.



thats why i say, that no one really knows me that well.

i know no matter how much i tried to conceal my real self, it'll still show at times, the vulnerable side of me, trying, and really acting as though i'm being strong here when its just on the contrary.



u know what?

i'm really scared that i wont be able to take in sooner or later.
i'm afraid that i'll collapse.

and i'm even afraid of the disappointment in myself.

but, like who really knows that?

to tell the truth, i'm all alone.

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argghh...
damn it...
having a stupid headache now...

coz of the stupid quiz on ace-learning website...

just realised that i've completely forgotten everything that i've learnt after i've come back from days of relaxation in m'sia...

gosh...
i think im so gonna fail my common test 1 le lahhs..
somemore i've got the stupid thinking rally at the indoor stadium on sat...
waste my time...
cnt even study lahhs...
X.X

haish.
feeling completely stressed out now...



need help again...

)":)":)":

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海变成陆地
快乐的能变成悲剧
那么爱会不会变成了麻痹

沙变成天梯
丑陋的能变成美丽
那么你会不会变成我的仇敌

我不是挑剔
可怕的编剧
随时都在背后偷袭

时间会把我把你都变成了灰烬
从拥挤变距离
没有人能够保证永远一起

时间会把我把你都变成了回忆
那时候有没有一个不会为时间而变化的你*

重复*

分开追逐着相聚
心酸渴望着甜蜜
我们都是一样穷得只剩下空虚
我买不起 我不确定
绝望谷底有没有奇迹

时间会把我把你都变成了灰烬
从拥挤变距离
不变的幸福只是一种距离

时间会把我把你都变成了回忆
那时候有没有一个是你爱我我爱你最完美的结局
还是我变成了你最想忘记的回忆

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whee~~!! I'm back!!
too tired to post all the events that happened over the past few days, prob will post them some time l8r in the week bahhs.

LOL.
seriously, i find myself missing kayden now...):
awww..he's just so cute man!!xDDD

both he and his older bro!!XDDDD

hearts <3 = them(:(:(:

hmm.
hehes.
kayden's so cute.


before i left he gave me a kiss lehhs.(lol.and its not on my cheek lehhs.O.O P:)
awww..
he's just so sweet and cute.

hehehes.
hahahas.
hehehes.

somehow i think that i may have gone madd from thinking bout kayden le..!!xDD

hahahas.

o.0
and i may be going out with laogong tmr!!0.0

hehes.xDDD

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有时候，我们不得不面对现实。
即使现实有多么的残忍，我们，最终还是得面对。

与其拖拖拉拉的，倒不如选择去面对它，
学着接受它。

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wow. its the last day of the week le.
and i can only find one word to describe it--fast.

well.
today, felt like santa claus.
a santa claus who was giving out valentine's day gifts to her darling friends.
well, justina was the 3rd person whom i gave the gift to, after agnes laogong and chingrui-y.k's sister.

hahas.
thanks for her heart-shaped cookies, and well, her big lovely hug too!!xDD
hahas
oh well, the flat opp my block is chaotic right now.
think that guy-he's older than me by one year, thats what i heard aniwaes, is being scolded by his parents again.
haish.

its become almost an every-now-and-then scene.
last time it was like almost everyday lahhs.
but now better le, seems like he has been behaving himself lately and thats good.
spare my ears from having to hear their superr loud shouting, which makes me feel a tad bit irritated..X.X


having a slight sore throat and cough now; must be due to yest's spamming of m&ms...
X.X

oh shit, and i just realised that i had to call laogong by 10.30...
shit...
haish.
but aniwaes, i just came back slightly earlier than that time.
went to great world city for dinner just now.
mum didnt cook, coz she was busy packing for tmr's trip...
me too.
just sort of finished packing mine after completing one of my chinese and chem hw.
which i took very long to do, that can actually be completed in less than half an hour or slightly a bit more in total.


and now, i seriously suck at chem, the best science all the sciences.
gosh.

think im gonna fail physics on wed..
no time to study.
schedule's superr packed, with the trip in to msia serving as the biggest dire consequence...X.X


haish.
gonna send an sms to all the ppl l8r.C:

shit.
im supposed to go sleep now.
parents scolding me now..:O

haish.

but aniwaes, thanks for all the valentines' i received from everyone today!!xDD

and today was fun!!xDDD

hope that i can actually rmb and have the time to continue my 2nd post for todae-this is incomplete due to the lack of time so..
yeah~~

hmm.
nights!!

and ppl, have fun kayys?!!C:C:C:

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heyys!!
another's week gone by...
haish.

oh well.
todae stayed back to help agnes with her class deco.
lol.
i helped to draw /write the chinese words.
hehes!!
yujia said that my “有” is very cute, but then i think that her “年” is better than mine lorhhs.
so str8 so nice!!

hehes.
mine is like superr slanted?

hehes.


hmm.
then we walked to the bus-stop. on the way it rained, then we were like walking super fast and trying to protect our food from getting "drenched"..
LOL.
headed for marsiling to get the stuff for the valentine's day, well, part of it lahhs actually.
the thingy is so cute lorhhs!!xDD

my nxt tues date with her and ran!!xDD
hehes.
we bought bubble tea at clementi as well then brought to marsiling to drink.
she got her strawberry milk tea while i got my chocolate milk tea xDD!!!

hehes.
then we went to the bus-stop to take bus no. 912 home.
well, i kinda made her go take the same bus with me...
hahas she cn also go home on that bus lorhhs, just that she need to walk bout 5 mins or smth.
hehes.
coz that bus is more fang1 bian4 for me mahhs.
i can alight at either one of the two stops.
hehes.
then i pei-ed her for longer and alighted at the later stop.
XDD

hmm.
we chatted a lot, from present to the past.
Like, how long we have been friends for..

wel, she's my 2nd longest best buddy after lois.
i'm also her 2nd too lehhs!!xDD
we've known each other for 7 years le. me n lois is 8 years.
hehes.

then we chatted bout my bro's house grp.
he's in the same hse grp as us.
then we talked bout how our house dominated the school's sports winner for these few years, beating the all-time fav. Casuarina which was his grp back then.
LOL.

I MISS MY GROUP MAN!!
haish, but yet, im so and superr glad that my hse's the 1st!!

whee!!~~


haven done any hw yet...
eng letter think im only gonna do on nxt tues, aft the physics test and when i come back from clarke quay.
coz eng only on wed-fri mahhs.
hates my class's timetable...

i've got triple sciences on mon and tues, and physics and bio on wed..
so much stuff to take note of...
haish.
pathetic enough man...):)":X.X

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hehes.
to yiran:
actually idk how to fix that stupid tagboard lehhs...
it came like that...X.X

haish...
im an idiot rmb?

gosh.
why must wjp do things online?!!
kinda wasting my time u knw...X.X

tmr pe le...
got ss and chinese test tmr mann
so scary lorhhs esp ss...
haven exactly read that chapter before...X.X

haish.
on the P.O.G
haish.
scared idk how to answer...

and knw my confidence is kinda shattered...)":

todae mr chan was like letting us practice on surds.
the questions were nt found in the textbook..
and its all level 3 somemore lehhs..X.X

everyone was like, stuck at the 1st question?!
wth!!
then i only managed to solve one part of a question by the end of two periods lehhs..
wth...

then im like...
"shit!! how on earth do u do this?!"
its like, mr chan nvr let us do this kind of question before then all of a sudden, we had to try one all by ourselves...X.X


me n alicia were like racking our brains over it...
haish.
if i wanna console myself, at least i managed to finish one part...

though im nt sure if i got the correct answer or not...X.X

ppl.
and im even more scared for physics.
test is gonna be on mainly kinematics, and I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING...
HAISH.

IM A SUPERR FAILURE...X.X )":)":)":


HAISH.
GONNA GO START REVISING LE LAHHS.
DUN WANNA FLUNK ALL MY TESTS ANYMORE...X.X