u know what? 有时候，期望越大，失望也就越大。。。 thats something which i've learnt from all my past experiences...
well, once again, its the annual teachers' day celebrations... and im goin back to woodgrove.. it may sort of be my last year goin back there.. coz when i move, it'll be too much of a hassle...
yeahh... im gonna cherish it well this time round instead of getting my hopes up only to find myself in disappointment..
its been a long time since we last talked... yeahh... wonder if there'll be an awkward silence btw us tmr when we see each other again... well, i just hope not.. rmb, it might be my last year there...
well, i just got the news that there'll be a gathering tmr... cool... we're like gonna have lunch then gonna go out to play...
and i pity you... cause in that case, ur sch dismiss damn early and u might have to stone there for a few hours...lol...
i hope everyone will be back tmr.. :D and most importantly, i hope that the principal will not order the security guard to be like last year and not let us in... cant help but think back bout last year where there are quite a number of ppl standing outside the school gate, waiting to be let in like we're some kind of animals that are gonna be let out of our cage but in, in this case...X.X'''
ahhs... i think we three are gonna be the latest to arrive there... must chiong man!!...
wonder what it's like to miss sch for a day or two... though i know it'll be terrible boring at home doin nth, but it beats having to see blah in sch...
at least, that's what i hope...
and yeah, charlene, DO GET WELL SOON...:D TAKE CARE...(:
and i dun wan to do roll call tmr if there's a mtg...X.X
ahhhs... why do i keep sneezing?!...
somehow, i'm still feeling a bit stressed out.. coz of the dumb eoys that are coming in just a few weeks time, and, also cause it meant that the days we are left with each other is getting lesser and lesser,day by day...
i dont want the day of separation to arrive... i want us all to be in the same class again , to be classmates for the remaining years of our stay in nanhua..
我好怕... somehow things are slowly changing, bit by bit... and,the truth is,i dun think i'm even prepared for it..
somehow, there's been a spate of events which happened recently... all these are making me even more tired than usual.. and i'm really beginning to think if i can manage this and continue on... continue to strive hard.. spend the remaining days together happily.. try to make myself stronger..
but why do i get that uneasy feeling..? i feel really insecure...
to me,i'm one who really needs a sense of security... without it, i wonder how i'll be able to move on..
i'm tired of the countless times when i've said i'm tired.. i'm tired of having to deal with all this.. in fact, i'm really tired of everything..
but, who knows? just like what cheryl said, i'm also trying to put on a brave front; trying to look as if i'm really okayy when i'm really not; trying not to let anyone worry about me...
and, i know that its very stupid to be crying while i'm typing.. but somehow, i just cant help it..
i dun have the ability to control my tears from falling... i dun have the ability to control my negative thinking... and i dont have the ability to predict when i'll cry for what reason; for whom...
its not that i want things to be this way... but, if putting on a brave front in exchange for not causing anyone to worry, i'll do it...
i hate it when i become the cause for everyone's worries... bringing them worries and taking away their smiles...
i dun want things to be this way...
i just want everyone around me to be happy...
why must i add to everyone's worries?
thats why i really want to learn how to be strong.. i dun want to be the weak me...
but, no one really knows how i feel i guess...
我真得很累很累了...
like both cheryl and charlene, i too, cry alone...a lot of times as a matter of fact huddled up in my bed, with the blanket pulled closely to me i'll bury my face in my pillow and cry...
i wish i can let it all out... its hard to bottle them up u know...
with that kind of feeling i get, i find it hard for myself to breathe..
gosh... somehow i feel like crying now... cause of something apparently... plus the song that i'm hearing... double effects... haiz...
somehow...managed to pluck up my courage and told my mum bout my history results... she didnt exactly scold me... and i did promise her that i'll practice even more on the questions.. thankfully i didn't cry in front of her...
history; one of my fav.subject... but yet, it caused me to shed tears over it twice...
i guess i really have gotta work even harder.. my grades are all dropping... with my history having a drastic change... forget it... i shan't make myself feel even worse....
lol... got a shock when i signed in on msn... somehow... 15 ppl added me... lol... i was like..."whoa!! why suddenly got so many people add me de.."
haiz... still left some part of my blog undone yet... =.= and i am starting to get pissed off by my comp.. X.X
right... i wish it could rain... though it did in the afternoon while i was watching some sad show... somehow, it helped to create the sad atmosphere..
but, i just love the atmosphere created by the rain... esp the smell of rain... i can practically just sit there, looking out of my window at the grey cloudy sky...thinking of nothing but settle down my thoughts and relax..
somehow, that is the feeling that i want... and the feeling which i just love...
ahhs... i need to go get sweeting's bdae present... still finding someone,probably agnes(: to shun bian pei me go out on sat... its been ages since we last went out tgt aniways...
and i want to go tampines 1... there's practically one shop which i've been saying that i want to go to but have not yet...x.x
somehow... im beginning to find a change in myself... an indescribable change,that is...
i'm still feeling stressed out... from all the tests and everything... but yeah.. i mean,one cannot escape from that,isn't it? u can only learn to cope with all that stress, and move on...
im still stuck at maths revision.. only the first chapter...
just cant get my mind to settle down and concentrate... like now, when im actually supposed to be studying and not,using the comp??
like,i've practically did nth so far... unlike in the past...
sometimes i just really feel like giving up, but there's always this voice inside me that keeps me goin...
in some ways or so, it makes me feel secure and gives me a glimmer of hope that i can do it...
maths... im really unsure if i can do well... i've always done badly for common tests... always... always getting a greater disappointment, after all that much effort i've put in and what i've gotten in the end... time after time, im really really losing hope... but somehow.... wo fang4 bu2 xia4....
人就是那么矛盾，不是吗？ i guess thats the way of life...
i've just been to charlene's blog and yeahh... i totally agree with what she said...
those countless "friends forever" we've said to each other in our last year, how many of them still exists..?
gosh,somehow a wave of emotions came over me when i was reading that part...
that, i guess, are some empty promises that looks to good to be true,but yet, makes one want to believe in it....
i just wanna take a break; a break from everything....
