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我好怕...
somehow things are slowly changing, bit by bit...
and,the truth is,i dun think i'm even prepared for it..

somehow, there's been a spate of events which happened recently...
all these are making me even more tired than usual..
and i'm really beginning to think if i can manage this and continue on...
continue to strive hard..
spend the remaining days together happily..
try to make myself stronger..


but why do i get that uneasy feeling..?
i feel really insecure...

to me,i'm one who really needs a sense of security...
without it, i wonder how i'll be able to move on..

i'm tired of the countless times when i've said i'm tired..
i'm tired of having to deal with all this..
in fact, i'm really tired of everything..

but, who knows?
just like what cheryl said,
i'm also trying to put on a brave front; trying to look as if i'm really okayy when i'm really not; trying not to let anyone worry about me...

and,
i know that its very stupid to be crying while i'm typing..
but somehow,
i just cant help it..

i dun have the ability to control my tears from falling...
i dun have the ability to control my negative thinking...
and i dont have the ability to predict when i'll cry for what reason; for whom...

its not that i want things to be this way...
but, if putting on a brave front in exchange for not causing anyone to worry,
i'll do it...


i hate it when i become the cause for everyone's worries...
bringing them worries and taking away their smiles...

i dun want things to be this way...

i just want everyone around me to be happy...

why must i add to everyone's worries?

thats why i really want to learn how to be strong..
i dun want to be the weak me...

but,
no one really knows how i feel i guess...

我真得很累很累了...


like both cheryl and charlene,
i too, cry alone...a lot of times as a matter of fact
huddled up in my bed, with the blanket pulled closely to me
i'll bury my face in my pillow and cry...

i wish i can let it all out...
its hard to bottle them up u know...

with that kind of feeling i get,
i find it hard for myself to breathe..


有时候，我真得快要窒息了...